Memoir: 2003 – 2005 – Chai Cafe Magazine

Dear Komal
Dear Komal (birth name), When I think about my own history of abuse and my path to healing, I realize that grief comes up. I grieve for the lost innocent child who was astonished and shocked to be slapped out of the blue, for no logical reason. With each unfair transgression to the child I […]
Triggers and handling them
Psych Central describes triggers as: “A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.” Wikipedia defines a trauma trigger as: “A trauma trigger is an experience that causes someone to recall a previous traumatic memory, although the trigger itself need not […]
Amazing Turmeric
The common Indian spice turmeric has been coming up a lot in various news stories and studies Awareness of its benefits seem to be growing everyday. I am being prompted to cook more and more Indian food which normally includes turmeric. http://wakeup-world.com/2014/11/01/turmeric-extract-improves-brain-function-in-one-dose/
Asian American doll?
I recently saw a commercial parody on SNL that highlighted some of my issues with the term and label “Asian.” It’s such a catch-all term that just seems to indicate how lazy the Western world can be in learning the actual country someone is from, so they choose a big continent as label instead. Take […]
Book Review: Threading the Needle by Marie Bostwick
In Threading the Needle, Marie Bostwick discusses friendship lost and then found. She explores the ways we create the experiences of our past and future, along with the impact of relationships with family and friends. Bostwick uses as the background of her story the recent economic downturn in the US. One character becomes the wife […]
Share your story
Share your story of reconciling your bi-cultural heritage and seeking authenticity, anonymously. Email it to priamba6@gmail.com. You may find that sharing is cathartic and healing. You may also find support and connection. I will make certain that there is nothing to identify you (unless you state otherwise).
Mothering and Motherhood
We all grow up with a certain sense of how we perceive the mothering we receive and the role of motherhood in our lives- whether as mothers ourselves or as children in need of mothering. This role evolves throughout our lives – whether it is about our changing how we parent while keeping in mind […]
Summer Vacation to India?
For many South Asians, summers have meant a trip back home, especially while growing up in the states. Our parents wanted to make sure we were getting a good dose of our heritage to balance out all the Western exposure and values we were subject to the rest of our time. For most of us, […]
Being “ABCD” and Authenticity
When we are “American Born Confused Desis” or even become “American Born Confident Desis,” how do we reconcile past cultural expectations of us with our quest to be our own empowered authentic women? Do expectations of our upbringing fit with our quest to be true to ourselves or do we have to make adjustments? If so, what are they?
Individualism
One of the key differences I’ve observed and experienced as differences between the culture of my heritage and that which I’ve grown up in is the level of focus on individualism. Much in the Western and particularly American culture is based on the value and importance of the individual.

35 and Life Begins Anew

Authenticity, Memoir: 2003 - 2005 Comments Off

Feb 062010

On my thirty-fifth birthday, in June of 2003, I received my divorce – the best present ever. I had started a brief relationship at work that instilled some sense of my attractiveness. By that Fall, I began casually dating others and getting to know my preferences. I mostly went on one-date coffee dates, and didn’t necessarily feel the need to see them again. I felt like I was experiencing a phase I was supposed to have lived at eighteen. I was getting know myself and most importantly, to feel comfortable being with myself and in my skin. Although there was a weekend I squeezed in eight dates (to maximize my child-less alternating weekends), I also enjoyed not scheduling any dates and relishing the peaceful solitude.

Three was about the maximum number of dates I went on with any one person. A male friend teased me about this – my normal “one date” policy. I teased him for having a pattern of four-month “relationships” with women and then breaking their hearts. I didn’t feel ready for a relationship and passed up some great guys that were eligible and would have potentially made great mates.

I focused on my getting myself financially stable so that I could take good care of my son. I felt that I was all he had and could not count on anyone else, including his father. I worked a lot of over-time, taking my son in to work with me on weekends occasionally. I also got an MBA, on-line. I stayed very busy for a few years after 2003.

By the following summer, in 2004, I managed to move my son and I into a different and better home. It was empowering to feel like I could do anything and create the life I wanted. There was stability in my life and my son thrived within the structure. I kept him at a great school nearby, making sure my new home was nearby and driving two hours to work. I felt proud that I managed to keep him at the same school since kindergarten, as I had grown up moving every two years.

By the fall of 2005, met a man through church and decided to give love another chance. We married two years later, on 7/7/07 (along with many others). We have survived bumps and I am blessed to have had a daughter in February of 2009 who I didn’t expect to have.

I am hopeful for my future and my children’s. I look forward to seeing them growing up and learning from my past to be a better parent. There have been many lessons (and continue to be more) that I will keep reflecting on. I want to make the most of the life that I have.