In one of the three meetings with my fiance, he informed me about an Indian ex-girlfriend from graduate school he had wanted to marry, but she wasn’t of the Brahmin caste, so his parents had not approved.
Shortly before expecting to go away to college, pressures and conflicts at home got to be too much and after a violent triggering event at home and then not sleeping for three days and much public drama, I ended up in the hospital for three weeks. Part of the time was to put weight on me, as I had lost about 40 lbs (from 95lbs).
By the summer of 1985, my remaining two older siblings at home got married to individuals in India who moved into our home. Tensions were thick. By the end of my junior year of high school that year, my social life had revolved around the Indian community outside of school and a close-knit group of peers from India in School.
When Thanksgiving rolls around, I’m not quite sure what to do with the holiday. Being from India, I didn’t grow up with any traditional memories. I don’t quite remember it at all. I think my family may have just tried to make a somewhat more special meal. As vegetarians (outside of the Asian cultural issue), turkey was not a consideration. Since I am still vegetarian, that part doesn’t help now.
English had become easier and easier and I found comfort and release in expressing myself through writing. I continued to have an essay brewing in my head.
My fate improved greatly when I moved from Winchester, MA to Commack, Long Island, NY at the age of 9. I missed the hills in the back of the duplex where we used to go sledding and my friend Magda. Long Island was much more liberal, I found, than Winchester—even with 9-year-olds.
I remembered crying under a tree during recess because no one would play with me. I progressed to not being included on any athletic teams in gym class. I did not look forward to the assigning of teams: one individual for both sides would be picked.
A child should be informed well in advance of the move and be told stories of life in the new country. Anything to reduce shock for a child should happen. If a visit can not happen first, pictures could help some, along with much discussion about how daily life would be different. Maybe some education in the new language could begin before the move?
It was strange to see houses shaped like boxes from the plane. There was so much symmetry and apparent order. I saw alienating fences for the first time.
One late evening, my mother had us prepare for a trip. My sisters and brother, along with my mother and a family friend, sneaked out in the middle of the night for what was to be the next chapter in my life. I recall the trip vividly.